Victoria Pendleton, who will be one of British sport’s top medal hopes in the next Olympic Games, has spoken of the growing pressure she feels in the build-up to what will be a home event for the British team.
The 30 year old sprinter revealed that the thoughts of the Games are causing her to have disturbed sleep and distressing dreams, although she does laugh the latter off.
"The fact that I'm already having all these bad dreams about being chased is a bit worrying. I'm always being chased by a monster. Sometimes the monster is a killer or a murderer. It doesn't really matter because I know exactly what that monster is as it hunts me down. The monster's got a big 2012 written all over it,” she revealed to the Guardian.
The first races in the qualification process will begin at the upcoming European Championships in Poland, and there she will start her push towards what could be the biggest athletic moment of her career. Aside from her numerous gold medals in track cycling’s world championship, she took Olympic gold in the sprint in 2008. That was important, but any chances of emulating Chris Hoy as a multiple race winner at the Games were impossible as female sprinters only had one event.
In all, the women had three races, then men seven. That imbalance has now been addressed and it means that she will have more opportunities in London 2012. However while that increases the likelihood of taking one win, it suddenly presents the pressure of having to chase more.
"Having three medal opportunities is a great thing for the sport: that's the cop-out answer. If Chris Hoy hadn't won all three it would have been an amazing opportunity,” she said. “But now that he's already done it, that opportunity exerts real pressure. People will expect it to be a strong possibility for me, and that makes life a lot harder."
Pendleton has always appeared to be a rider who puts herself under real pressure, and victories have tended to be followed by feelings of relief rather than elation. That’s been the case for quite some time, and she spoke about that reaction to the paper.
"After winning I spend a lot of time questioning myself, saying, 'Why do I put myself through this?' as I watch people air-punching and having a whale of a time on their victory lap. I don't feel that. It's usually a sense of, 'Phew, I've done it…' It's pure relief.
That reaction meant that after all the build-up, after all the training and after all the pressure, finally winning Olympic Gold ended up being an anti-climax. "I did feel empty. I've watched so many people winning gold and I've felt so emotional but, when it was me up there, I was numb. It felt like I wasn't even there.”
Pendleton has had ample opportunity to get used to her reaction to taking major victories; she won her first world title in 2005, and since then has taken rainbow jerseys in seven more sprint, team sprint and keirin events. Her most recent worlds campaign saw her win the individual sprint in Ballerup, Copenhagen, and net second in the keirin.
The British team wasn’t quite as impressive there as it had been in the previous editions of the worlds, but is aiming to get back up to its previous level from this point on. The European championships will be the first opportunity to do that, and will also see them trying to turn things around after an Australian domination at the Commonwealth Games.
Pendleton’s feelings of an anti-climax after the last Olympics hasn’t put her off the thoughts of going for top honours in London in two years’ time. Her motivation is to go out in style, to end her career at the top. If things work out well, she can move on to the next phase of her career with quiet satisfaction about what she has achieved. Until then, it’s about working hard, managing pressure, coping with those bad dreams.
“I'm putting myself through it again in 2012 because I owe it to myself – and to my friends and family and coaches,” she said. “I want to do it to say thank you very much and now I'm done. I want it to be the most amazing exit I could possibly have from the sport. But even this far out there's a huge pressure looming. I'd be fibbing if I didn't admit it's bothering me.”