She’s one of the most successful female cyclists currently competing, but Olympic champion Victoria Pendleton has spoken in vivid terms about her dislike of competition.
“Jason Queally, whose gold in Sydney inspired me, was exactly the same,” she said “It's weird. Chris Hoy has the perfect mix. He loves racing and training. I would like to get more from racing, but I don't.
“I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than race,” she confessed, dramatically.
Pendleton was speaking to the London Evening Standard, describing the pressures and weight of expectation of being a top-level athlete. There’s less than two years to go until the start of the London Olympics and she knows that it’s going to be a difficult time, mentally.
She’s previously spoken about the stress that she feels, confessing that she is no longer sleeping properly, and often has nightmares that she is being chased by a monster.
Part of that is down to being a perfectionist, and part of it is because there’s little margin for error. The final days and hours before a race is even worse. “I feel sick,” she said, talking about her emotions at that moment. “I don't sleep, I don't eat. I felt quite nauseous for most of the time I was in Beijing [for the Olympics].
“Food tastes like cardboard when you're nervous. You have to eat to fuel your body but, as you put the food in your mouth and swallow it, there's no enjoyment from it. In the week before Beijing, I lost about two kilos.”
Still, for one who confesses she doesn’t enjoy competition, Pendleton has done very well thus far. She is one of the most successful female riders currently racing, clocking up an Olympic title in Beijing and taking five world championship sprint titles in the past six years. She also won the Keirin in 2007 and the team sprint with Shanaze Reade in 2007 and 2008.
Initially the pressure was to succeed. Now, having achieved big things, the pressure is to remain at the top and to continue performing at the same level.
“It's a difficult situation to be in,” she said. “You have two or three days in the year when you want to perform at your absolute best. There's no guarantee you can do it; all you can do is make sure you get the work in beforehand, the rest is out of your hands almost. You only get one chance to do it, there's no margin for error in the sport industry.”
The way she tells it, she gets almost a bigger kick out of training than racing. “When you do a squat and lift 2.5kg more than you've ever lifted before, it's a great feeling. I enjoy that physical side of the work,” she explained, having said in the past that she feels relief rather than elation when she succeeds in major events.
Pendelton has said that the thoughts of retiring and moving on to a different life is an attractive one for her. Her plan is to give it everything until the London Olympics, then hopefully go out on top of the sport with one or more gold medals there.
Winning any Olympic event is tough; doing so in front of a home crowd with a home media looking on is going to further complicate things. “London is going to be the biggest weight I'll ever have to carry on my shoulders,” she admitted.
She expects Olympic runner up Guo Shuang to be particularly determined, given that she lost out to Pendleton two years ago. “The fact I beat her on her home soil means it would be foolish to think that she wouldn't be coming back with a vengeance,” she said, adding that she is also mindful that there are many new strong riders from countries such as Belarus, Russia and Lithuania.
Her biggest competitor is, however, herself. The way she describes racing, it appears that the biggest obstacle she faces is to keep things in perspective and manage her thoughts, expectations and emotions before and during major events.